Bread disasters

I've been into making my own "five minute artisan bread" lately. The first couple of times it was great, but then I entered some sort of disastrous bread vortex where no matter what I did, it turned out strange and horrible. One time I added too much water (it's hard to pay attention to a recipe when you're being interrupted every 30 seconds) and it turned into this moist, sticky glop that actually broke my pizza stone. Another time I didn't add enough water and it ended up being a dense, lumpy brick. Another time I didn't cook it long enough for some reason (although I did it exactly the same as I had every other time) and when I cut it open the interior was still raw, like some sort of disgusting white flour truffle. And then there was the time I didn't mix the dough well enough, and I tried to make naan, which ended up being like a lumpy sponge soaked in butter.

Tonight I made it again. I forgot to add the water at the last minute to create steam (for a crispy crust), and it was sort of flat and dense, but at least it was tasty and cooked all the way through. Dipping it in olive oil helps.

The most annoying thing of all is that no matter what I do or how I do it, it always seems to come out lopsided. I've seen my friend Sue's perfectly round, shapely "boules;" in comparison mine look like they've been sat upon by a large pig. I just don't get it.